Attention Future Sorority Girl

Yesterday I was at the Auburn homecoming game. It was an amazing day with the honoring of Pat Sullivan’s Heismen season in 1971. The day ended with an Auburn victory and a safe trip back to Huntsville. The great thing about Auburn, just like most college campuses in America, is their tradition around football. My favorite Auburn tradition is the flight of the eagle around the stadium just before kick off. And it was just before the eagle’s flight that I spotted the subject of this blog.

There was a young girl about four rows in front of where I was sitting in the stands.  I am hoping she was a high school student and there is still hope for this poor unfortunate child.  This girl, lets call her Fantasia, looked like she could have been twenty.  She made a ruckus from the moment she entered the stands.  She was taking photos and moving around from seat to seat. She looked disappointed at her friends that there was something taking the attention away from all eyes being on her. When the eagle flew, she proclaimed in a high pitched voice, “Will it get me?”

Fantasia spent more time facing her friends in the stands than watching the game.  She stood up for minutes on end turned away from the football field talking loudly about beauty products and Justin Bieber. Right before half time she stood up and brushed her hair. “This is Jordan-Hare Stadium not Paul Mitchell beauty salon!”  The couple that was sitting next too me noticed her too.  They joined me in mocking her just before the band took the field for the half time show. Then it happened. When the Auburn band and the entire stadium joined in preforming the school’s alma mater, Fantasia turned to multiple people franticly asking, “what is going on?”

Therefore, I proclaim to all young girls who hope to one day be a legitimate fan, do some research before you go to a football game.  Please don’t be a dumbass!  So many of my friends have been in sororities and still know more about college football than Kirk Herbstreit.  Then there are the girls that only want to go to school to socialize and party with their greek letter friends. Fantasia, don’t diminish your reputation and the reputation of your sisters by being an idiot.

Fantasia, if you are planning to be a sorority girl in the S.E.C. you may need to learn a little bit about football.  Yes, go get your Nike running shorts and rain boots, but also pick up a copy of Dixieland Delight.  That book will teach you about SEC traditions and might give you helpful tips on how to get a boob job payed for in Georgia. Please, live up to your potential Fantasia, don’t pester the people you are sitting around by being an air head! Education is the key to enjoying life!

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